Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I've Come Home

It's never simple,
It's never easy,
To change yourself,
And believe that you're really free.

But I made it
to the finish line.
My friends are here,
and all the glory's mine.




I AM VALKYRIE. I RIDE THE VALHALLACADE.

I realized this morning why I lost some mutual friends in "the divorce." We may have been mutual friends but they only ever saw me around Ray and I was a boring little accessory.
So if you're reading this and you never hung out with me one on one or away from my favorite parasite, you should give it a go. I'm pretty fucking awesome, if I do say so myself.

Also, my other attributes include being The Queen of Everything and Nature Princess. So if you like the idea of hanging out with aristocrats, I'm like the dirty version...literally the one who gets dirt under her fingernails and slogs through marshy patches for weird mushrooms specimens.

In other news though, I kept some of the best people I met through ray. SO suck on that. The roomies, Reeves, Jesse and even a bear chose to be free with me because I'm downright peachy keen.


I'm finally me again and I laugh all the time and tell myself I'm beautiful everyday. Finally, I believe I'm the hottest shit around. It feels so good to be self-confident again. You all should try it.
Lastly, life feels like love when you've found your passion. I found mine outside under the vast blue sky in gorgeous Southwestern California. :)

Friday, January 27, 2012

Haiku for you

You're pissing me off.
I'll make you walk off the plank.
Splash. Gurgle. You're done.





I feel better now. Some haikus are just too humorous not to smile at while you're writing them.

Everyone hates some drama! When it rains it poors. Everyone know how it works.

It all comes at once. The one benefit when theres a shit storm is that when it's over you get a nice long vacation from nonsense.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Sun and Moon

If the sun and moon were lovers,
It would be quite sad.
They’d chase each other forever,
Never to be loved.
It’d be a never ending pursuit
Of unrequited love.
For neither can see the other,
When one is high above.

Written: 2004

Haiku Madness

I thought I would fall
to the limerick madness,
but it was haikus.

Belly button dirt:
nature's timer for showers.
I need to reset.

My hand is itchy.
Was it the masturbation?
It was! They're hairy!

It feels hot and cold.
It stings like bees and cactus.
My leg fell asleep.

Sixty-five thousand miles.
My van is almost dead.
Kuclunk kuclunk pfshh.

Today it's raining.
My plants don't need my water.
They will miss the sun.

Touching my scars is
so creepy. They feel empty.
I sort of miss them.


Written in 2010


And that said, that last haiku is really creepy. I'm glad that's not me anymore.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Queen's Song

And I take one thing from this.
Let's reminisce.

When you're holed up,
When you're closeup,
You're the Queen's cup.
Get a feel up.
Gotta re-up.

Take some time to
Feel better.
You just want him
to want you.
Just want him 'cause
He wasn't for you.

Sometimes you gotta
Breathe deep,
Get a little sleep,
Avoid a creep,
Just play the sheep.

And whatcha gonna do
When they come for you
Making ballyhoo
about your peer review.
Stay tried and true.

Come down to the wire.
Bring you're brightest fire.
I ain't no liar,
When I'm the crier,
Times are dire.




More to come on this one too.
(First line begins after the first rowr!)
It's to be rapped to Ratatat's "Wild Cat"

Writing lyrics to Ratatat songs is really really hard but when it happens, its rewarding.

Jewish Mother

I've been kvetching for about 17 years okay. I don't smother my sons anymore. I just make sure they get ahead, you know what I'm saying? I can do that. No disrespect, but that's how I am.

I am a Jewish mom, a Jewish, Jewish, Jewish mom.
The one who insists you put a heavy sweater on.
I'll toss and turn when my three sons don't give me a call.
I'll kvetch and moan to my purebred lapdog named Sharone.

I'll bake some tasty koogle for the family, okay.
And braid some challah for the Shabbos party on Friday.
I guess I'll need to buy some eggs and milk and flour too,
And drop off papers at my CPAs office, fool!

Oh and bubbies and kindelachts!
Don't you be meshug,
Nit gidacht!

Oh and bubbies and kindelachts!
Don't you be meshug,
Nit gidacht!

And here I come now,
Walking into schul.
Wearing my talit,
It's indigo and gold!

And here I come now,
Walking into schul.
Wearing my talit,
It's indigo and gold!

(Instrumental Break)

(talking now)
You know I've been a Jewish mother for quite a while now. And when your sons don't call you, I mean it hurts! After all you've done for them the least they could do is say hello once a day...
No I'm not guilt tripping. I'm just saying that after I changed all of those dirty diapers, took them to all those piano lessons, schlepping them from one activity the next, the LEAST they could do IS CALL THEIR MOTHER.
Don't you agree?
I just miss little kindelachts in my house! When am I gonna have some gran'babies!? I've been waiting for years! I mean my oldest son married that nice Jewish girl last year.
Apapapapapa Don't interupt me! They could have had twins by now!




This is to be sung to Ratatat's "17 Years". Insert lyrics for extreme lols.
Moar to comes.
Idk how i can keep it up but I'm going to try.
And time for bed so I can get up for work tomorrow! :D

Monday, January 23, 2012

Don't Want You Back

Don’t Don’t Don’t Want you back

You hit me faster than a staph attack.
I got your picture on the B cell facts, alright
And you were more than a cocci shape.
But how you fooled, me, I'm still amazed babe.

But I should have seen, what I would be:
Another victim of strept-oh-cocci.
But now you’re done, you’re over with.

DONT WANT YOU BACK
'Cause you’re no good for me I know.
That's all I can do,
Launch my attack!
Forgive my antibodies, but you gotta go.
I don’t want you back.

We started going without a voice.
But I was fine so I lost all my defense.
But there were things that made me realize
Like all the hundred thousand white cell guys.

Don’t want you back!
'Cause you’re no good for me, I know.
That's all I can do,
Launch my attack!
Forgive my antibodies, but you gotta go.
I don’t want you back.

Don't bother showing me your cells divide.
Just let us fight this battle, 'tween you and I.

Don’t want you back, that’s all I know.
All I can say, don't want you back
You know you gotta go.
Don’t want you back!
'Cause you’re no good for me, I know.
That's all I can do,
Launch my attack!
Forgive my antibodies, but you gotta go.
I don’t want you back.




I rewrote this song (Don't Want you Back from Millenium by the Backstreet Boys) round abouts 2009. I'm just a nerd on the inside, and it's quickly taking over my outer image. I hope the government doesn't take me down for mentioning some copyrighted material. Does mentioning your source count for anything these days?

Hot House

Washington is on the loose...

OUT of retirement, he and 81 Year old Benjamin Franklin wrought havoc at the Philadelphia Convention in 1787. The hot house rose temperatures and tempers. Arguements about replacing the Articles of Confederation turned violent when Washington threw his chair into the crowd declaring "I AM CHAIRMAN! FEAR MY CHAIR!" Benjamin Franklin giggled like giddy old men do and clapped his hands before wincing from rheumatism and arthritis. James Madison got up with his frilly pink quill, one hand on his hip, and declared "Now boythhh, thith ith no way to behave!!"
Alexander Hamilton turned on him wide eyed and declared "GAY!" The following scene seemed like the inspiration for the Salem Witch Hunts. James Madison was burned at the stake in the court house while there were accusations of homosexuality. At one point, even George Washington was accused. Angrily, he jabbed his finger at his accuser and declared, "Only a gay would accuse such a macho man as I of being a homo-hom-homo-SEXUAL! YOU ONLY WANT ME TO BE GAY!!! I HAVE A WIFE AND SHE'D BITCH SLAP YOU FOR ME!"
His accuser gasped then bitch slapped Washington yelling something along the lines of "YOUR WIFE IS A WHORE." Then ran off crying.
Before long, near-by townspeople heard the ruckus and knowing there must be something interesting happening at the court house, grabbed their torches and pitchforks because one never attends to a mob session without weapons with a long wooden handle. They forked all who got in their way. A path of corpses and burnt houses was left in their seething wake. If someone looked at them and was of the same sex, he was soon burned at the pire.
Many ended up wearing blind folds running in circles screaming "HOMOSEXUAL!"
Some southerners made posters "God Made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve"

After several hours of melee, all was quelled when someone started tossing around the ol' pigskin, and all men joined in knowing "Gays can't play football, Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, would smite them." (Bob Haystacker, 48) "I can smell a queer but everyone's playin' with the pigskin so..."

The Articles of Confederation and the first draft of the Constitution were unfortunately burned along with a few queers and straights. However, it wasn't long before the delegates decided that the constitution should be simple.
"Why don't we just rule the country like football? Anyone we don't like should be tackled and have his legs broken," suggest Edmund Randolph.

Thus here is our country today.


or at least that would make history a WHOLE lot more interesting...








That's a piece of work I cooked up when I was probably 16. It had to have been during a period when I was studying some bullshit textbook about our American History. Obviously I got bored and wrote my own, more exciting version of how our documents came to be. Every bit of this piece is purposeful. I do believe it is 98% done. (To a writer, very rarely is a piece ever truly finished. It's only put out for the public because "I guess it's good enough...") I wouldn't call it subtle but I still get a laugh out of it.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

I Came With The Valkyrie

It's time for a little hurt, so I feel less alone.
I'll push you away and ignore when you phone.
I'll beat you black and blue, then I'll tie you to the bed,
And leave you on your own, make you wish you were dead.
I keep telling myself, "you're a strong babe,
The likes of Freya herself, part of the valhallacade."
Repeating my mantra, hoping that I'll believe,
That I might swallow the spell I've tried to weave.
I'm jaded and anxious.  Sometimes I can't cry.
I'll eye you from the corner and from corner of my eye.
It's best to be scary, so they don't see that you're scared.
I'm new to this world.  I just hope they haven't heard.





Aha! Found you. I only get anxious at night when I run out things to do. I made a 'dominatrix' playlist. Essentially, it has songs that boost a girl's ego and make her feel like she could throw some punches in the big leagues. It features songs such as
Maneater
If You Seek Amy
Piece of Me
Perfect Exceeder
Pop the Glock
and many more!

You see the pattern though, assuming you've paid the least bit of attention to the lyrics in any of these songs.

Also, I'm forming a strong obsession with Norse mythology. The women are badass and I want to be one/their friend. I may have to buy a book to learn more. The internet is simply not getting it across to me. Maybe I'll just get a translation of "Prose of Edda" or whatever it's called.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

I Am Your Child

Take my child hand
And lead me 'cross
The slippery rocks
In the river called Life.

Don't let it sweep me away.
Don't let it drown me.
Guide my steps and
Protect me from strife.



Basic prayer because I've been feeling nervous and anxious the last few days for no reason. (Actually I'm starting to suspect it's because I came off one of my meds. Why did I do such a silly thing, you ask? Well first it ws because the Rx didn't come on time, and then, it was because I hate taking pills.)

Anyway, now that I am cultivating a personal relationship with the spirit world, I feel like writing prayers more often. Plus, I've found that my homemade prayers evoke more powerful emotions than something ancient and archaic.

Friday, January 20, 2012

You are We

I would die a million times
To save you from the pain of life.
I'd take that bullet or poison pill,
And if I had to, I would even kill,
Just so that you might live
Unfettered and uncaptive.


(tad bit of poetic grammar license down there. I love doing that. I feel all empowered and easily pleased)
Listening to Lana del Rey's "Blue Jeans" and imagining it differently inspired this as well as remembering a dream.

Here let me explain, because clearly that one sentence doesn't clear anything up.
Ignoring just a few lines from "Blue Jeans", it's easy to imagine that it's a song from a mother to her criminal son. I get shivers when I think about it like that. Two people being lovers, it just seems so much more easy to walk away. Familial love, however, can make someone psychotic because DNA is just that powerful.
Also, when I was in my mid teens, years ago, I had a dream that there was a party at my dad's house and someone had poisoned everything with little blue and white pills. And for some reason (that reason being "its a dream") someone HAD to die or it wasn't going to stop. Rather than have my siblings poisoned, I systematically took every blue and white pill I could find. I totally pulled a Tinkerbell. And then I died and my sister found me in my dad's bathroom. (I never die consciously/spiritually in dreams. the reason I know I died is because then i can see myself 3rd person. 99% of the time I dream 1st person. When I dream-die, I see myself usually from an overhead view and my body just stops doing its breathing and moving thing until I bother to gasp awake). So, I like to think that nightmares like those, not only show me that I have the strength and good heart to lead my life capably, but that I can experience death (in any form, other peoples death, near death experiences, my own death) more humanly and intelligently. Death is only scary because you don't know what it really is. I've found that anthropomorphizing death has changed my relationship with it. If you look at it like a powerful demigod its almost something to worship. And you can rationalize that just because you don't see the logic and meaning in someone's death, it doesn't mean it's not there.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Ready To Feel Something Again

I've got some healing to do.
He took some damage too.

Our interactions were a labyrinth
Of rules and regulations.
He was my singular plinth.
Now you understand my hesitation.

It's been one season now,
Just moments from my birthday.
I feel like the cat's meow
Except when certain memories replay.

I beg the Goddess and Her angels
Send thine healing rays!
And I might grow as vividness dwindles.
I'll find love in so many more ways.

So release me on the unsuspecting world
And I'll jump blindly, wings unfurled!





This is the first poem about my relationship since I broke up that isn't a LELA. I'm kind of proud of myself. :)
As Flo Rida once said, "Sometimes I get a good feeling, yeah. One that I've never, never, never had before, no, no."

Thursday, January 12, 2012