Update

I've totally abandoned the blog this semester but it's finally over!  I made it through a really difficult semester.  I came out on the other side thirsty for creativity (a couple classes I took this semester were more about merit than creativity and it really pushed my limits *in ways that i think were less than constructive or encouraging of growth*).  But anyway, the point is I survived and got the grades I needed.  This upcoming semester doesn't start for a month and it will be significantly easier since I'll be taking things that I'm good at, enjoy learning and come easily to me.  So hopefully you'll see more activity on the blog again.  However, I do want to say I'm way way way happier than I was when I started this blog.  Suffering seemed to drive my poetry mainly and now I'm on a journey to find my voice again.  I think I'm finding it in social justice and world issues.  I'm incredibly passionate about women's rights, feminism, LGBTQIQA, global warming, agriculture and water issues and other ecological quandaries.  So I'm hoping maybe I can learn to put those feelings into my art without also feeling stupid, pedantic or simplistic.  I haven't taken an actual writing class or workshop in years and I miss input dearly.  I'm hoping when I get to university I can dabble in the english department again.  Maybe double major…or even triple major.  We'll see.  I love to learn when it's fun.  Watch me pull a Hermione.

When you can't find any words to tell your own story...

My Secret

Maria told me I looked really good since I've lost weight.
Little does she know my secret is morning anxiety diarrhea.




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#fuckedupshitmariasaystome

Emit Emote Emigrate

Can't deal with feelings.
So much emotion in life:
Happiness, regret;
So I decide to drink to
distill my disturbances.

A Response

Whatever stirs your curiosity,

Everything you've felt,

All the things that stand in the way;

That's what makes you complete; 


That's how life is lived.

Uncomplicated

Around her, I become pure, the uncompounded element of myself.
Each day I see her, I cannot fathom
how she has managed to wake up even more
divine, ravishing, breath-taking
than the night before when she rested her head upon my shoulder.
How I love her; it's as if I've never loved before...

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No but for realsies, all this #deathofdoma stuff is really making me miss her.  (She's at a festival currently).  I'm totally deficient in vitamin robynflavin.

Letters to an Ex-Lover Anthology: Aplomb

I know happiness at last.
I saw misery and left it in the past.
I persevered and found mental health,
Because no one can save you from yourself.





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Everyday I doubt myself less and love myself more.

Alice's Haikus

If you had asked me
ten years ago whether I
would be here today,

I would act aloof
and maybe indignant too,
and I'd say, "Never there;"

And yet here I stand,
tending a secret garden,
chasing Caroll's dreams.

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Sorry it's been such slow output.  I went from putting 125% of my energy into school straight into the garden.  It just happens to be 1:23 and I'm buzzed and listening to Kanye West.  So, you can imagine the state I'm in.  But in any case, what I wanted to say in this note is that I'm watching my poetry/style/subject material transform (albeit slowly, but transformation non-the-less).  It's scary and thrilling and mundane all at the same time.
Maybe I'll consider going to sleep now...who knows?  I certainly don't.

The Nature Of These Things

This is for all the pretty girls I never forgot.
The ones I star in the dreams I concoct.
This is for all my firsts who brought me to constellations
The ones who crumbled my very foundations.
For all those times I cried and pined,
Unable to have what I had found divine.
I write this for my future conquests and endeavors,
The time we will have together, that I will inevitably sever.

It Doesn't Matter That You're Gay

One day, you will die and nothing will ever matter
Not your differences, 
Not your preferences, 
Not your happiness. 
Forget your allies and your enemies. 
Forget your rainbow suspenders, your glitter eyeliner, your chest binder. 
You are not your gender
Not your sexuality
Not your sins
Not your injustices. 
You are not your label. 
You are not your experiences. 
One day, nothing will ever matter.



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Inspired by my brother's poem penned on the inside his medicine cabinet in orange magic marker, apparently inspired by Fight Club.  
NOTE: after some reader's responses, I want to add that, to me, this poem is comforting rather than angsty.  The idea that it wont matter anymore one day, none of it, is so unbelievably peaceful to me.  I hope you find the same comfort one day.  Embrace Inevitability but never rush her.  

Tense Haiku

History, my past,
haunts me like a poltergeist,
dead, unkillable.

Wax

Tonight, I do not even dare
              to extinguish the lights.
The thoughts and emotions
              that lurk in the shadows of my mind
Are greater gambles than happiness itself;
              tonight I ante my heart.

Top 5 Poems

I reached 3,000 views yesterday.  I want to thank everyone for supporting me and reading this blog.  Some of you I know, but most of you I don't.  Thank you so much for visiting.

Here is the top 5 most visited poems on this blog as of yet.

Interred Haiku
Firestorm
Authoritarianism
The Karve
When She Comes

I Rarely Do This

But I wanted to show you one of the places I draw inspiration from.

Kai Davis is who I wish I could be.  And this particular video is what I have felt the last two days.

He thought he escaped my gaze.  I planted my sickle in his throat and uprooted his head.  King cobras always fall victim to charms.  

Letters to an Ex-Lover: Uber Nacht

I hope you asphyxiate on every lie you ever told.
I hope the weight of your sins smothers you slowly over the years.
I hope the poisonous evil that you spit corrodes your veins and mind
Until all that's left of you is a babbling shell with a blackened soul trapped inside.

Fear Her

Babe, the devil's coming for your soul.
She's got blue eyes and revenge on her mind.
A molotov cocktail to quiet the nerves,
And off to work we go, scythe in tow.

Sleepy Haiku

Tonight, the steady

hum of frogs and crickets lulls

me gently to sleep.

1:30 AM

The lone shriek of a coyote rings out
   and is repeated before the first echoes die.
The deep base of the domesticate rhythmically
   responds,
 relentless
     and
        unanswered.

Addicted (To ATP)

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a nuclear power
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm working by you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only molecule I seek is phosphate all around
It's like you're energy
Putting the life in me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
I need adenosine
Nothing with two
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Until I make triphosphate
In my cells
In myelin
You've taken over me
It's Adenosine
and phosphate makes three

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm moving more slowly
It's like you're the power house, fueling me
Driving processes
And without you enzymes in my cells
Would die alone
And I know metabolism is
Driven by mitochondria.

It's like I can't breathe
I need adenosine
Nothing with two
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Until I make triphosphate
In my cells
In myelin
You've taken over me
It's Adenosine
and phosphate makes three

The potential
Energy
In this is high
Until you break off a 
Phosphate
And then you use it.  
Processes are driven
by kinetic energy
Which were stored before in strong phosphate bonds.
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

It's like I can't breathe
I need adenosine
Nothing with two phosphates.
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Until I make triphosphate.
In my cells
In myelin
You've taken over me
It's Adenosine
and phosphate makes three.


Spoof science lyrics to be sung to Kelly Clarkson's "Addicted".