Try

Try me again
I dare you
To try me again

The Cull

A man takes a wife
She waits to be wed
Tell me how mad you are
When I grew strong
When I found a way to beat you at your own games
Tell me how you moved on
When I let you go
When I killed myself in order to be free
The world needed a weaker girl
Like the one I used to be
And I destroyed her in order to become my self
You witnessed a meaningless transformation
Because I had never changed
Your eyes deceived you as they watched me let go
Of your expectations and desires as I kept my own
I became my self, the self I had always been
That they sought to bury
In order to save a woman
Who never existed

Monstre

Raise your hand if you've got depression
And the meds aren't cutting it
So you've gotta cut yourself instead
Remember when you asked for creativity?
Beggars can't be choosers
So now you're your own worst enemy
Your most creative saboteur
Make yourself paranoid about good days
How long will they last and are they real?
Celebrate for just a moment
And berate yourself for eternity
When you inevitably fall again
Remind yourself of all your failures
And suggest to try again is hubris
I have become a master in self-deception
What do I want and who am I?
Unquestioned laws of self are suddenly
Up for debate like it's an election year
Trying to ruin my own life
For petty reasons like uncertainty
How do you evict a part of yourself
When you don't even know who you are
Has the monster inside become the majority?

I Know The Way

I've been to hell and back
Enough times to know the way by heart
I know the demons, now old friends
For me, they create assarts
I know very well the way to hell
And better yet, I know it back
And the next time I bring you with me
I'll never bring you back

Afraid of the Dark

Every night the sun sets
I am panicked by the shroud of darkness
Come to smother me while I sleep
Worried that this night
The sun will find trouble
And fail to promptly rise again

Risen

I planned your death a thousand times
How I would peel back your skin
And dig for an apology that is buried somewhere inside
Better lock me up, I think you knew
I am your danger as long as I live
Say you're too scared to act with love
But you didn't know fear until you saw me awake
In full understanding of your brutality
For years I never saw the light of day
And suddenly I was the sun
Risen to scorch your earth and feed a new life
You cut me at the base
And I bloomed with impunity despite this

Garden Wall

You had me twisted up like a vine hungry for light
I never realized you lead me in circles
Until I woke up one day and took account of my tendency to spiral
And I saw you had tied me to a trellis
You cut me and you cut my bloom
And still I bloomed in spite of this
But you never tended me beyond your convenience
So I scattered myself over the garden wall
To grow in some greener pastures
Or even between two slabs of concrete
Anywhere but in that wretched garden
And I escaped you again

Happy Pills

In the final hour, the medicine administered
Reduces my thoughts so sinister
Dampening my perceptions and depressive deceptions
Suffocating and smothering my creative conceptions
I find a familiar peace in the silence
Delivered by pill, a miracle of science,
And a dullness that has never failed
To leave me apathetic, a will to thrive foiled