Stationary

I'm gonna get on that train
And I'm gonna ride it
Wherever it takes me, I will go
All that matters is that
I get far away from here

Slippery

I keep seeing movement at the edges of my vision
Perhaps that movement is just the reflection
Of the movement of my mind
None of this is sustainable
Because all things change inevitably
And never has my identity felt more slippery
But I think, I think revelation is near

An Urgent Truth

My propensity for self deceit has always been adept
So how can I trust my feelings in the past
Or even the ones I have now
Who's to say that I'm not deceiving myself again
How long this time will I force myself to wait
When I can see the truth
That I am struggling in the same ways I always have
And I find myself wondering
Did the caterpillar yearn so hard as I
When they saw a butterfly gliding and unshy
Because I find myself obsessed with a fantasy
And opportunity for it to become reality
And now each day is filled with activity
Frantically trying to find my way out
Of this constrictive cocoon

How do you know?

My body, notoriously disloyal
But how could I possible return with an act of betrayal
And am I wrong for internalizing like this
Perhaps this is my ticket to long awaited freedom
I smile when I imagine myself differently
How long do I have to wait
Before I say this is more than a passing thought
I wake up thinking about it
Fall asleep thinking about it
Dream all night about it
So how do I know?
How do I know?
How do I know?
How do I know myself?

The Bat

Creature of the night
I like you cannot see the light
I am comfortable in this darkness
Eating morsels of my sins
Upside down in my own identity
I slept for so long and like you
I have awoken without a dawn
And flown into the darkness

No Tears Shampoo

I can't cry
Every time I get close
My face twists up into a grimace
Then a smile and relaxes
Though my chest tightens
And a solitary sob is clutched within my throat
Only released once
It has metamorphosed into laughter
For as long as I can remember
I've been this way
I remember being spanked
And my anguish escaped my body
As shrieking vowels of hysterical laughter
The authoritarian always felt
I was taunting them
And though I did not intend to mock
It felt like power
The only power I could hold above them
To laugh in the face of consequence
But my laughter rarely comes from
A place of true joy and mirth
And has mixed into a muddy brown
Of pain, fear, and ecstasy
That I smear on my life
To placate the emotional hunger
Of those around me
And though it has never failed to satisfy or provoke
It has always failed to convey my truth