Chrysalis

No one ever said the transformation was easy.
No one ever said the butterfly never felt pain
As it moved from leaf to air.
Secretly coccooned, we walk each path alone,
Silently enduring our changes
To beauty and perfection.
Showcase the rebirth.
Spread your wings and fly freely.
6/10/2011




...and suddenly I'm on a runaway freight train loaded with emotional baggage and a tanker full of explosive accusations and self-doubt...
(Feb. 16, 2011)



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This is the part where I talk about my feelings:
I've been feeling like a lot's about to change in my life (which is why I felt like the Chrysalis poem was fitting to post today).  I'm about to move onto university and shortly after, hopefully, grad school.  I'm closing a (big) chapter of my life and it's very scary to move on.  It's also so very exciting.  It feels like I've been sleeping and my life is finally about to start.  My greatest fear is that I'll sabotage myself when I get there (which is why I've included the quote). (~5/11/2014)

Alice's Haikus

If you had asked me
ten years ago whether I
would be here today,

I would act aloof
and maybe indignant too,
and I'd say, "Never there;"

And yet here I stand,
tending a secret garden,
chasing Caroll's dreams.

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Sorry it's been such slow output.  I went from putting 125% of my energy into school straight into the garden.  It just happens to be 1:23 and I'm buzzed and listening to Kanye West.  So, you can imagine the state I'm in.  But in any case, what I wanted to say in this note is that I'm watching my poetry/style/subject material transform (albeit slowly, but transformation non-the-less).  It's scary and thrilling and mundane all at the same time.
Maybe I'll consider going to sleep now...who knows?  I certainly don't.

I Rarely Do This

But I wanted to show you one of the places I draw inspiration from.

Kai Davis is who I wish I could be.  And this particular video is what I have felt the last two days.

He thought he escaped my gaze.  I planted my sickle in his throat and uprooted his head.  King cobras always fall victim to charms.  

Sleepy Haiku

Tonight, the steady

hum of frogs and crickets lulls

me gently to sleep.

Stillness

Sometimes I want to freeze time.

And although my plants wouldn't grow

And my cat wouldn't cuddle

I could languish in the stillness of my heartbeat.

April 18th, 2011

Dream Garden

This is the creative process: here was the warm up.

It's a little bit like
homesickness,
Except I'm antsy,
and I already am
home.

It's like a little bit of
me died when
I pushed you,
out the door and
my life.

If we'd just worked a little bit,
if we this...
All I have is,
all you gave, not
enough.


Here is product after a warm up:

I dream of a garden
It has a nice view.
I dream of many vines
with flowers, pale blue.
I walk on tiles, barefoot,
tracking through the dew.
I tend my garden when
I bid Sun adieu.
There are citrus trees
and trees that Seuss knew.
I walk through in the night,
and morning too.
I find peace of mind and
more, like good juju.
I dream of a garden.
I invite all you.

I had a migraine, this helped a little bit though. Too many thoughts in my head at once.

Sleep is coming for me. I like being in the garden way more than running into Ray. I'm finally not dreaming of him as much or at least not remembering it. Relief is relief.

The reason I don't promise consistency

I totally forgot about this blog and found it on my formspring. WHOOPS.

If anyone cares or even still reads this blog, my garden is the shit.
I have just planted dahlias and a casablanca lily bulb. My calla lily has a bloom growing. Everything is beautiful and wet (it's drizzling). However there is little green (except for some early blooming tulips) and scarce color (some early passionflower blossoms). I can't wait for spring!!

Also, I had a couple strong margaritas while I was gardening and now I have a headache. I'm recouping with some weird anime recommended by Netflix (don't trust them).


Oh yeah. Speaking of my passionflowers. I've been growing them for a little over a year waiting for them to flower so I could get a tattoo on my foot. It's going to happen soon. :) I need to set up an appointment.

Also, I'm building an awesome giant orchid in ceramics. A piece inspired by Georgia O'Keefe.