Letters to An Ex-Lover Anthology: Unique Moment

I stopped laughing and rolled over on the bed.
I looked serious, and seriously looked at you.
I said,
"I think I'm falling in love with you."
You said,
"I love you."




my heart just dropped.

My decision is made

but I keep finding myself asking whether this empty loneliness is any better.

Dream Garden

This is the creative process: here was the warm up.

It's a little bit like
homesickness,
Except I'm antsy,
and I already am
home.

It's like a little bit of
me died when
I pushed you,
out the door and
my life.

If we'd just worked a little bit,
if we this...
All I have is,
all you gave, not
enough.


Here is product after a warm up:

I dream of a garden
It has a nice view.
I dream of many vines
with flowers, pale blue.
I walk on tiles, barefoot,
tracking through the dew.
I tend my garden when
I bid Sun adieu.
There are citrus trees
and trees that Seuss knew.
I walk through in the night,
and morning too.
I find peace of mind and
more, like good juju.
I dream of a garden.
I invite all you.

I had a migraine, this helped a little bit though. Too many thoughts in my head at once.

Sleep is coming for me. I like being in the garden way more than running into Ray. I'm finally not dreaming of him as much or at least not remembering it. Relief is relief.

Letters to An Ex-Lover Anthology: Unable to Move, Unwilling to Stay

I am tormented by your memory.
It won't leave this place;
Like a ghost, your presence
Is unwelcome quintessence.

I lay my head on my pillow,
your smell, your face, your love, your hate,
I know I cannot escape.
I find it all in my dreamscape.

Please, I beg you, just tonight!
To leave me on my own,
Although I'm scared alone,
I'm more scared that I can't let go.

I hear the door, unlock, squeak and shut.
My heart jumps, Finally, you're home!
But then harsh, unforgiving reality
Mercilessly slams me back to this fatality.

I've only ever wanted you;
I just want YOU!
But you wouldn't give me your key.
You pushed me away, so I had to flee.

Struggling with Eros and Ire,
Who knows who will triumph.
I'm torn and recombinated like DNA
In a laboratory. It was all for you, Ray.

I'll be new, I'll transform.
Yes, we lost who we were.
And no, I'm better off alone.
Now help me. We must bury this bone.

Letters to An Ex-Lover Anthology: Ugly Bare Bones

I bared my soul to you.
I changed myself to fit into your life more easily.
My soul
Bare. Barer than bones.

Never been so disrespected

Ex wouldn't leave my house so I pushed him out the door (because when you are under 5'0 you cannot show 6'0 black belts any fear. they feed off fear) and he had the nerve to stick his foot in. He didn't pull it out (even after I slammed it twice) until I pulled out my cell to call the police.


However, there was a gem.
Last night's best quote: "HEY ASSHOLE." "Yeah?"

Thats right mother fucker. We're playing by my rules now.
Today I texted him about getting his shit out of the garage before I throw it away or burn it because if he calls the police I will have an eviction notice for him.
Here's an excerpt:
Speaking of mistakes, you left your mortar and pestle here which means you don't want it. So it's in the dumpster in case you change your mind.


Empower yourselves, women. Tell that douche bag that he did you wrong and you want him out. Then show him your beautiful lioness claws.

Back so Soon, My Dear

We meet again and I ask,
Has it been so long?
I've forgotten how comforting
your preternatural arms can be.
You're forbidden, but like Eve,
I cannot resist your beckon.
Scars are my reminders
Of the errors of my ways.
Here I am again, razor in hand,
Finding myself and fixing God's mistakes.


Written May 28th, 2010


NOTE:
October 2, 2011
I used to be a cutter. I'm not anymore. I grew out of it. Cutting myself is a.) not the same, doesn't help me the way it used to and b.) i really really don't want scars to remind me of this shit. The last thing I need is to look down at my lovely, curvy thighs and catch sight of pale pink lines screaming THIS WAS A MISTAKE AND SO WAS THE REASON IT HAPPENED.

Ode to Those Two

Brother and Sister.
You are my light and my joy.
I always love you.