Tripped, rolled, right back in
to stride. I'm going so fast and
far. Can't skip a beat.
8.30.11 Haiku
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I'm getting better at blogging. Here's a haiku.
I remembered before the end of the year. Kudos to me.
Podcasts can be nice,
But put a record on, and
all move to the beat.
I'm buying a notebook. This is it. I'm having a bee put in the bottom left corner. I'm very excited. It'll help me write compulsively. I don't want to be consistent. I need obsession.
I made an amazing playlist with a bunch of my favorite songs to move to. I'm going to use it at work to make me a turbo cleaner.
This is one of the many projects I accomplished at work today.
(It says "Caterpillar Inn" and below that "$cuteness/nite")
Podcasts can be nice,
But put a record on, and
all move to the beat.
I'm buying a notebook. This is it. I'm having a bee put in the bottom left corner. I'm very excited. It'll help me write compulsively. I don't want to be consistent. I need obsession.
I made an amazing playlist with a bunch of my favorite songs to move to. I'm going to use it at work to make me a turbo cleaner.
This is one of the many projects I accomplished at work today.
(It says "Caterpillar Inn" and below that "$cuteness/nite")
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Two new poems
Suffering inspires art.
Last Chance
"Last chance. No warnings," he
Aggressively barks at me, pain
Soaking his heart and words.
To me, he is all I ever need.
Change happens so slowly when
"Hurry" is all you can breathe.
Asphyxiating on my own lies,
No one can love him as much as I could.
Curses are self-inflicted.
Existence is meaningless without growth.
But suffering is not the only thing to lead to inspiration.
(Bee tee dubs this next one is draft uno. so don't judge because this is only 60% of a finished product)
Ode to Nature
Had you given us greenery to decorate a brown barren landscape, that would have been enough.
Had you given us flowers to bring color to the world, that would have been enough.
Had you given us perfume to engage another sense, that would have been enough.
Had you given us fruit to nourish our bodies, that would have been enough.
Had you given us seeds to continue the cycle, that would have been enough.
I'm not a wiccan. But I definitely worship nature.
Hmmm. I might be a neo-romanticist.
Last Chance
"Last chance. No warnings," he
Aggressively barks at me, pain
Soaking his heart and words.
To me, he is all I ever need.
Change happens so slowly when
"Hurry" is all you can breathe.
Asphyxiating on my own lies,
No one can love him as much as I could.
Curses are self-inflicted.
Existence is meaningless without growth.
But suffering is not the only thing to lead to inspiration.
(Bee tee dubs this next one is draft uno. so don't judge because this is only 60% of a finished product)
Ode to Nature
Had you given us greenery to decorate a brown barren landscape, that would have been enough.
Had you given us flowers to bring color to the world, that would have been enough.
Had you given us perfume to engage another sense, that would have been enough.
Had you given us fruit to nourish our bodies, that would have been enough.
Had you given us seeds to continue the cycle, that would have been enough.
I'm not a wiccan. But I definitely worship nature.
Hmmm. I might be a neo-romanticist.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Sickness before Death
Where do you turn
when you've given up self pity,
when you can't yet reach self improvement,
and you've massacred yourself and the one's you love the most?
What do you do
when you're ill-equipped to withstand emotional pain,
and you've given up translating it to corporeal pain?
How do you cultivate
self-discipline out of nothing,
and cowardice, begging and desperation are not beneath you?
Who do you lean on
when promises had never meant anything,
but suddenly you realize you can't even trust yourself?
Why do you try
when you feel like you've lost your mind
but you're told you've got it better than most?
Is this life or is this purgatory?
(self improvement isnt supposed to be so hard. im making it so difficult. i feel like im trapped in a maze i designed. all mazes are designed with an element of malice, to mislead the explorer. i was so proud of how intricate and beautiful it was that i decided to walk it myself. and now im lost. my pride led me astray. hoisted by my own petard at last.)
when you've given up self pity,
when you can't yet reach self improvement,
and you've massacred yourself and the one's you love the most?
What do you do
when you're ill-equipped to withstand emotional pain,
and you've given up translating it to corporeal pain?
How do you cultivate
self-discipline out of nothing,
and cowardice, begging and desperation are not beneath you?
Who do you lean on
when promises had never meant anything,
but suddenly you realize you can't even trust yourself?
Why do you try
when you feel like you've lost your mind
but you're told you've got it better than most?
Is this life or is this purgatory?
(self improvement isnt supposed to be so hard. im making it so difficult. i feel like im trapped in a maze i designed. all mazes are designed with an element of malice, to mislead the explorer. i was so proud of how intricate and beautiful it was that i decided to walk it myself. and now im lost. my pride led me astray. hoisted by my own petard at last.)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The reason I don't promise consistency
I totally forgot about this blog and found it on my formspring. WHOOPS.
If anyone cares or even still reads this blog, my garden is the shit.
I have just planted dahlias and a casablanca lily bulb. My calla lily has a bloom growing. Everything is beautiful and wet (it's drizzling). However there is little green (except for some early blooming tulips) and scarce color (some early passionflower blossoms). I can't wait for spring!!
Also, I had a couple strong margaritas while I was gardening and now I have a headache. I'm recouping with some weird anime recommended by Netflix (don't trust them).
Oh yeah. Speaking of my passionflowers. I've been growing them for a little over a year waiting for them to flower so I could get a tattoo on my foot. It's going to happen soon. :) I need to set up an appointment.
Also, I'm building an awesome giant orchid in ceramics. A piece inspired by Georgia O'Keefe.
If anyone cares or even still reads this blog, my garden is the shit.
I have just planted dahlias and a casablanca lily bulb. My calla lily has a bloom growing. Everything is beautiful and wet (it's drizzling). However there is little green (except for some early blooming tulips) and scarce color (some early passionflower blossoms). I can't wait for spring!!
Also, I had a couple strong margaritas while I was gardening and now I have a headache. I'm recouping with some weird anime recommended by Netflix (don't trust them).
Oh yeah. Speaking of my passionflowers. I've been growing them for a little over a year waiting for them to flower so I could get a tattoo on my foot. It's going to happen soon. :) I need to set up an appointment.
Also, I'm building an awesome giant orchid in ceramics. A piece inspired by Georgia O'Keefe.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Salvia divinorum, the legal drug.
So I went down to my local apothecary, and I picked up a gram of organic 20x salvia. What I got was a small plastic vial, which is filled with black torn up leaves.
It is scary. I had no visions. There were no planes or waving flags, rivers or drinkable paths. It was like I was being sucked into a world inside my head. Like I was inside my body but no longer in touch with it at all. It's a very queer and uncomfortable feeling. It's scary to let go and hope your body, without your brain, will remember to breathe. And I never actually disappear or black out. I keep breathing too. But its almost like I forget as soon as I think. It's like I no longer have a brain to think with and I can only receive information but not process it.
I found myself laughing on my second hit, mostly because I was slurring, there was a camera, and I was nervous. The laughing became real laughs and then a fit. I almost peed myself so I ran to the bathroom trusting that my body would remember the path that I had run in the pitch black of the middle of the night so many times before. I made it to the toilet and even managed to put the seat down. Suddenly I found myself sitting on the toilet with my pants down. I stand up and look beneath me. Hm. I think I was peeing. I pull up my pants and flush. I pull them back down because I find myself standing in the bathroom. I must be here for a reason. Maybe I need to pee. I sit back down. No. This isn't right. I don't have to pee. I stand back up and pull my pants back up. I stop, questioning my actions then continue. I forget to wash my hands and walk right back to the bed.
THAT IS NOT AN EXPERIENCE I WANT TO HAVE WHEN I AM USING RECREATIONAL DRUGS. this shit is weird. It wears off fairly quickly but you also get a tingly feeling all over your body. It doesn't feel nice tingly, it's annoying tingly. I also feel like my eyes don't work quite right on it. It is incredibly intoxicating but not at all addictive. Salvia is weird man. I wanted to try it to know what it was but fuck, this shit is weird. Why bother! I do not regret taking it. I just don't think I'll try it ever again. The vial is still almost completely full. It's a little bit ridiculous. I'm not sure what I'll do with it yet.
Update:
I watched the video that I took. When I went to the bathroom you hear me in a gigglefit. It goes quiet then again laughing and I remark "This is crazy!" I walk back into the room, stand there confused for a moment then decide that the bed was an adequate perch. Quote: "Everything is cray-zay. I can't handle-I can't handle it right now. PFWAHHHAHAHAhA" I had to keep trying say "apples for dinner. spaghetti." Apples and spaghetti as words, apparently, do not mix. It had all the best sounds in it for my malfunctioning mouth. "I can't even handle myself right now. I hope this isn't it reacting to Ritalin. That'd be crAAAzy. This must like what it is to be crazy. I feel like a retarded kid."
Best quote for a description: "I feel myself trying to leave. I know what people are talking about." *very slurred*
It is scary. I had no visions. There were no planes or waving flags, rivers or drinkable paths. It was like I was being sucked into a world inside my head. Like I was inside my body but no longer in touch with it at all. It's a very queer and uncomfortable feeling. It's scary to let go and hope your body, without your brain, will remember to breathe. And I never actually disappear or black out. I keep breathing too. But its almost like I forget as soon as I think. It's like I no longer have a brain to think with and I can only receive information but not process it.
I found myself laughing on my second hit, mostly because I was slurring, there was a camera, and I was nervous. The laughing became real laughs and then a fit. I almost peed myself so I ran to the bathroom trusting that my body would remember the path that I had run in the pitch black of the middle of the night so many times before. I made it to the toilet and even managed to put the seat down. Suddenly I found myself sitting on the toilet with my pants down. I stand up and look beneath me. Hm. I think I was peeing. I pull up my pants and flush. I pull them back down because I find myself standing in the bathroom. I must be here for a reason. Maybe I need to pee. I sit back down. No. This isn't right. I don't have to pee. I stand back up and pull my pants back up. I stop, questioning my actions then continue. I forget to wash my hands and walk right back to the bed.
THAT IS NOT AN EXPERIENCE I WANT TO HAVE WHEN I AM USING RECREATIONAL DRUGS. this shit is weird. It wears off fairly quickly but you also get a tingly feeling all over your body. It doesn't feel nice tingly, it's annoying tingly. I also feel like my eyes don't work quite right on it. It is incredibly intoxicating but not at all addictive. Salvia is weird man. I wanted to try it to know what it was but fuck, this shit is weird. Why bother! I do not regret taking it. I just don't think I'll try it ever again. The vial is still almost completely full. It's a little bit ridiculous. I'm not sure what I'll do with it yet.
Update:
I watched the video that I took. When I went to the bathroom you hear me in a gigglefit. It goes quiet then again laughing and I remark "This is crazy!" I walk back into the room, stand there confused for a moment then decide that the bed was an adequate perch. Quote: "Everything is cray-zay. I can't handle-I can't handle it right now. PFWAHHHAHAHAhA" I had to keep trying say "apples for dinner. spaghetti." Apples and spaghetti as words, apparently, do not mix. It had all the best sounds in it for my malfunctioning mouth. "I can't even handle myself right now. I hope this isn't it reacting to Ritalin. That'd be crAAAzy. This must like what it is to be crazy. I feel like a retarded kid."
Best quote for a description: "I feel myself trying to leave. I know what people are talking about." *very slurred*
Too Many Confusing Cake Dreams
insomnia wakes me from my slumber.
I wander aimlessly searching for sleep.
With only a flame to guide me
And a glass of water to soothe
I am some how supposed to retrieve my goal
Ceaseless dreams and restlessness
dog my heels, snapping like wild ghosts.
here i lie, eyes wide open, dissecting the black void.
It is here that I acquaint myself with true boredom.
I wander aimlessly searching for sleep.
With only a flame to guide me
And a glass of water to soothe
I am some how supposed to retrieve my goal
Ceaseless dreams and restlessness
dog my heels, snapping like wild ghosts.
here i lie, eyes wide open, dissecting the black void.
It is here that I acquaint myself with true boredom.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Next Big Thing
It's all the rage with the richest, most suave of southern California. Get this: Sidewalks are lame.
If you're getting in shape and want everyone to know, don't hide behind parked cars and the bike lane. Sidewalks are big enough for one and a half people, absolutely not two. And it has the hideous 3 inch buffer called a "curb." Now, if you're REALLY cool and want to be "safe" you're going to want to be able to see on coming cars, even around corners. So what you want to do is walk in the OPPOSITE direction of cars. Do NOT have your back to them, that would allow them to see you before you see them!
I hope all these retarded rich people get run over. They love running IN THE BIKE LANE (sometimes with THEIR DOGS or TWO people deep or any combination of the above). And their favorite game is to come around corners running towards oncoming traffic and bikers. Not only is asphalt worse for your knees than the sidewalk is, you're RUNNING IN THE STREET. Where are your mothers? In nursing homes because you're rich and you don't love her anymore. Living in such affluence shows you the nastiest side of humanity. Everyone just feels way too entitled.
Favorite quote from a rich dick who cut off people in his beamer: "Hey! I live here!"
So do I, fuckface.
If you're getting in shape and want everyone to know, don't hide behind parked cars and the bike lane. Sidewalks are big enough for one and a half people, absolutely not two. And it has the hideous 3 inch buffer called a "curb." Now, if you're REALLY cool and want to be "safe" you're going to want to be able to see on coming cars, even around corners. So what you want to do is walk in the OPPOSITE direction of cars. Do NOT have your back to them, that would allow them to see you before you see them!
I hope all these retarded rich people get run over. They love running IN THE BIKE LANE (sometimes with THEIR DOGS or TWO people deep or any combination of the above). And their favorite game is to come around corners running towards oncoming traffic and bikers. Not only is asphalt worse for your knees than the sidewalk is, you're RUNNING IN THE STREET. Where are your mothers? In nursing homes because you're rich and you don't love her anymore. Living in such affluence shows you the nastiest side of humanity. Everyone just feels way too entitled.
Favorite quote from a rich dick who cut off people in his beamer: "Hey! I live here!"
So do I, fuckface.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
What Lady Gaga meant
You know that I idolize.
You Lady Madonna.
At this point I gotta choose,
nothing to loose
Don't call my name.
Don't call my name, Lady Gaga.
I'm want the gays.
I'm want the gays, Madonna.
Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch.
Just sign the papers and punch.
Don't call my name.
Don't call my name, Lady Gaga.
Madonna.
Madonna.
Mad-Mad-Madonna.
Mad-Mad-Madonna.
Her music video for Alejandro looks like Evita (which is ALREADY a musical) on crack hip-pop (different from hip-hop). Can you SCREAM Madonna-Wanna-Be? She also seems like she really is trying too hard to be the Queen of Gays. That's not something you force. It just happens. It happened to Britney Spears and Kathy Griffin. It's not happening to this sell-out NY girl. She was walking the line between weird and sell-out and she crossed it. Stop trying so hard to be and just let shit happen.
You Lady Madonna.
At this point I gotta choose,
nothing to loose
Don't call my name.
Don't call my name, Lady Gaga.
I'm want the gays.
I'm want the gays, Madonna.
Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch.
Just sign the papers and punch.
Don't call my name.
Don't call my name, Lady Gaga.
Madonna.
Madonna.
Mad-Mad-Madonna.
Mad-Mad-Madonna.
Her music video for Alejandro looks like Evita (which is ALREADY a musical) on crack hip-pop (different from hip-hop). Can you SCREAM Madonna-Wanna-Be? She also seems like she really is trying too hard to be the Queen of Gays. That's not something you force. It just happens. It happened to Britney Spears and Kathy Griffin. It's not happening to this sell-out NY girl. She was walking the line between weird and sell-out and she crossed it. Stop trying so hard to be and just let shit happen.
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