I'm just anxious. I'm hanging out with my dad. It's so awkward sometimes. It feels like he's not listening or he's on another page or he wants to say something but can't or is just waiting to say his bit. It's just really weird meshy. Idk, he's a Western doctor who went to med school in like the 70s. So I mean you already know he's a baby boomer generation right there and a doctor? and he's Jewish. I mean you just keep putting down points in the nerd category. socially awkward. but he's my dad so I hang out. He insisted I go to hatha yoga with him. I hate hatha. It's realllllllllllllllyyyyyyy slow and you just pretty much nap for an hour in a hot room. I like ashtanga. You move. I have ADHD. That H in there makes a hell of a difference. when my brain is moving (at any speed) my body has to move too. That urge and need to move is the hyper part. I cannot stop twitching/shaking my foot even as I fall a sleep I sort of rub them together. I'm a fucking mess off my Ritalin but at least I'm awake and gigglicious. But he pretty much Jew guilted me into going to hatha yoga with him. Then he wants to eat after. I really dont want to be out till like 9. And I have the nagging suspicion he's going to bring up the noise violation my house was accused of the first night before my finals. Some one peed in the green belt and MY HOUSE got blamed. I didn't even get to have the fun of being drunk and getting in trouble. NO. I was STUDYING like a good studious Jewish girl, painfully off my meds. (Since my doctor wont prescribe me short acting ritalin I only have the 12 hr stuff and I would rather not take it at all). Oh and I have to give him the receipt for my brake change...since I used his card. I paid for the oil change. There was no way I could afford brakes and I pretty much ground them down to nothing. :/
Yeah So I'm anxious.
I'm all hyper and pent up and anxious.
And there is a hungry caterpillar in my garden who is eating all my sweet pea leaves and spinach leaves away. It wont be long before he destroys my passion vine!! All I know is that he's fat and hungry and knows how to hide. I'm offering a reward for his head.
And I just want a job. I had better luck today. Tomorrow I'm going to drive around and hand back apps and resumes. Wish me luck.
Update:
It was frustratingly boring. I'm sorry but I cannot sit in one pose for 5 minutes and have my eyes closed. Rude Boy just starts playing in my head and my foot starts shaking and my brain goes "STFU RIHANNA" and Rihanna just keeps singing the chorus over and over and over...
And I just got in a fight with my boyfriend and I honestly feel like I didn't really do anything wrong.
God this night is fucking ridiculous. I really thought it would be better than this.
I haven't been happy lately but I can't tell if its because I want a job so bad or if it's because my boyfriend has been cranky with finals or if we're in a rough spot. Too many variables. I want to let the air clear and little and look at stuff. Feeling anxious and on edge lately is unacceptable. I hope summer helps. I think it will.
...always with the optimism.
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